Mama Uses Needles: Show Me Crabs!

I have found it. Something I truly hate about being a mom. I mean, it makes me want to hurl myself headlong into the nearest wall repeatedly until I black out. Putting on kids GLOB BAM FORKLING mittens! I can probably count on Phinny being an 8th grade drop-out and working the pole by fifteen with the number of times I've laid out a string of terrible cuss words while trying to get her to put her tiny, floppy starfish hands into a pair of mittens. (Which she won't wear unless they "work".)

"Thumbs, honey! THUMBS THESE ARE YOUR THUMBS! The short, fat one, c'mon, baby, just get your thumb into that ONE SEPARATE PART. There's only one seperate part, and you have only one thumb. That's it, just your thumb, NO NOT YOUR THUMB AND FIRST FINGER! Just the thumb, honey- YES YES, there it is, show Mama Crab Hands, show me crabs! Yes, pinch! It's on! See, your mittens are working! NO NO NO, don't pull that off, NO NO! Ohhhh. GLOBBAMMIT!! Okay, do over, ladybug."...

Aaaaand Repeat.

Girl needs mittens when it's cold, girl don't want to wear mittens nohow.

I thought if I made a pair of soft flexible mittens with an articulated thumb- you know, where the contoured thumb is attached from the palm, instead of a flat thumb-shaped appendage sticking flat out the side of the mitten, that she would be more likely to wear them. I thought, given the expert and natural fit, combined with a tight, but soft, ribbed cuff, the mittens would be comfortable and would stay on. Uh huh.

So while those world-class scientists in Geneva are waiting for the Hadron Collider to clue us into the deepest mysteries of physics, I challenge them to design a pair of usable toddler mittens. (Oh, and while they're at it, a sippy cup that doesn't leak.)

But let's talk about sewing. It is not easy to make a pattern for gloves with an articulated thumb!