Piping Gone Wrong

As soon as I laid eyes on this cotton duck fabric from IKEA,  I was imbued with a superhero's confidence.  "This fabric has drawings of planks of wood on it," I said to myself.  "With this fabric, I can do anything clever and complicated, and the power of righteous design will send me aloft to new heights of cushion sewing achievement!"

Nevermind that I had only once before attempted a cushion with piping, and on a much smaller, ahem, less expensive scale. We have an uncommonly shaped table nook in our kitchen and once we found a solution to finding a table that fit (we had it made), I began to fantasize about the praise and appreciation I would get from my wife when I saved us no less that $800 on custom made cushions.  I was very sure she would stroke the perfectly streamlined finished product over breakfast day after day and gaze at me lovingly over breakfast, if not just literally throw dollars at me as I sat in my pajamas in the dawny light of morning.

But then my goddamned cushion is all wrinkly and twisty!  What?!  What?! Arggggghhhh!

Exhibit A: Nook and first cushion, from afar:

Exhibit B: the incriminating view of the grand wobble:

How much does that suck?!

I swear this cover fits this cushion.  When I first put it on, it was straight, and taught and amazing.  Okay, not like, amaaaazing, but really really good.  Look, it seems like it fits, generally:

And then after very few sittings, the piping got all googly and the fabric was all loose and all sort of goblins of physics broke free under our asses.  So frustrating.

I wonder if it needs a lining.  Maybe the fabric is catching and pulling onto the very rubbery upholstery foam?  When you sit on it, it wants to curve up ever so slightly at the end and then stay that way.  YES!  As if it is caught in the evil grip of the faulty foam and just wants a nice slippery square covering between it and the foam!  Yes.  I think that's what it is.  

What else could it be?  Please, gods of sewing, answer me.

So then I sewed this coaster from boiled wool fused to sweatshirt, which is, as you can see, perfect.  It's a sad day when a woman has to sew a coaster to get her mojo back.


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