I know. So I decided I should do something more humbling and act like a sane, balanced person. For the benefit of my child. I'm going to show you my last four failed hats, their titles, and tell you why they didn't work out. Thank you to patient Josephine Anaheed for the use of her head:
The "But It's Only a Flesh Wound!": The ONLY thing I had to do to make this hat right was line up the damn stripes. Did I line up the stripes? No. I was too busy thinking about how awesome this striped hat was going to be.
The "Vikings Fan": As is the case with many hats, this one ran too short and the poor girl's ears pop out after ten seconds. It is otherwise fine despite the fact that it is accidentally the Minnesota Vikings colors.
The "Ambiguously Religious Ceremonial Hat": This material, a well worn sweatshirt, was far too stiff for this cut of hat, and so it just sticks up like a Pope's hat. Which is fine because old ladies treat red-headed babies like they are the Pope.
The "Oh Sh*t! Did I just Accidentally Cut This Hat Right After I Made It, Because My Sewing Table Is A Mess? Hat": Everything about this hat was fine, then I cut a triangle out of the folded brim whilst cutting something that was laying on top of this hat. I am idiots.