Finally! A Sweater Pants Tutorial

It's happening.  I'm bringing my sweater pants sewing technique to the masses.  (Okay, maybe not "masses", but like, 4 people.  Still.)

You'd be excited by these, wouldn't you?:

Before we start, here are the Four Horses of the Sweaterpants Apocolypse:

1.  Pin, pin, pin.  It it isn't pinning right, it isn't going to sew right.

2.  It's sweater you're sewing, so go slowwww.  If you've got a ballpoint needle, you should use it.

3.  Use a long stitch so your waist will have give.  By long, I don't mean basting stitch of course, but like, longer than average.

4.  Do not fear.  Sweater pants can smell fear.  If they smell your fear, you will make a Thneed.


(Also: for your entertainment, I will occasionally use my expansive knowledge of rap, hip-hop and lite rock lyrics to guide you along through this journey.  You are welcome.)

Pack it up, pack it in, let me begin.-- House of Pain

I like big butts(eams) and I cannot lie-- Sir-Mix-A-Lot

Tuuurn arouunnd...-- Bonnie Tyler

Cut bitch, camera off, real shit blastin'-- Eve

I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it-- Missy Elliott

Baby what a big surprise.  Right before my very eyes-- Chicago

Pin that crotch seam one mooore time.  Once is never enough-- Captain and Tenille

Knowin'...that you LIED, straight-faced, while I cried-- Rod Stewart

Smack it up, flip it, rub it down- Oh nooooo-- Bel Biv Devoe

I got nothing here, folks, but a sudden revelation: what does it mean that our American songbook is so anemic when it comes to turtlenecks.  SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT.

Back, front back, fr-front back, ft-front back, side-to-side-- T.I.

I got it mastered man, in the hood I'm like plastic, man.  Stretch. -- 50 Cent

Did you ever know that you're my heeeeero?-- Bette Midler

Bring it, cute face.